dir. Ryan Gosling. bad movie

Imagine if Sean Astin were to say, “after acting in three ‘Lord of the Rings’ movies, I’m certain I can write/direct my own ‘Lord of the Rings’ movie,” and then his friends reluctantly had to be in the movie when he actually made it, because that’s what friends are for, but then none of them gave him any helpful criticism at any point during the production, because it turned out they aren’t good friends, and in the end the low-quality pastiche vanity-cringe version of Peter Jackson’s “Lord of the Rings” movies made by Sean Astin was a surprise to absolutely no one involved, and then I have to watch it in the bath on New Years Day, and have to keep moving the mouse to see how much time is left. Now imagine this whole scenario again, but with a movie made by Ryan Gosling after starring in Drive (2011), Place Beyond the Pines (2012), and Only God Forgives (2013). Now that you’ve pictured me watching Lost River (2014), be released from having to watch it yourself.
With the fantastic “evil worm” character actor Ben Mendelsohn really trying to singlehandedly make a movie out of it.